The easy-to-play game that leads to increased resilience, healthier relationships, improved academic and professional achievement, and emotional well-being.
The I Can Relate Game™ builds relationship skills that help people relate to others with empathy, understanding, and respect. By encouraging players to “put themselves in someone else’s shoes,” the I Can Relate Game teaches players skills to become more self-aware, more mindful of their feelings, their needs, and their values. It also encourages players to have more empathy toward others and themselves. Participants practice the relationship skills of describing situations, sorting and naming feelings, identifying needs/values, and empathizing — without being aware of the learning process. The game teaches the same process explained in Dr. Lonsbury’s book, Adventures in Heartache, Humor, and Hope. When used together, the learning is grasped intellectually and emotionally by reading the book and in a practical “hands-on” manner when playing the game.
“The I Can Relate game is fun to play and learning the process comes naturally.”
Benefits of using the I Can Relate Game and 4-step process:
- Become clearer about how to relate to others in “challenging or anxious situations.”
- Gain awareness and appreciation for the “positive situations” in life.
- Better understand ourselves and learn why we react the way we do in certain situations.
- Learn how to “respond” rather than react in anxious or challenging situations.
- Increase your vocabulary of words for expressing Feelings and Needs/Values.
- Connect Feelings with Needs/Values in a variety of situations.
- Learn Empathy Guessing skills that increase empathy for others and yourself.
- Improve relationships by increasing your ability to relate to the perspectives of others and “put yourself in someone else’s shoes.”
- Practice Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) skills that can enhance resilience, improve relationships, build self-awareness, and increase student or adult achievement.
And – at a deeper level:
- Better manage anxiety using Systems Theory concepts including self-differentiation, self-regulation, and anxiety awareness.
- Enhance Mindfulness through the practice of being present in the moment in a variety of emotional situations.
- Improve emotional well-being using a sorting process associated with Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB).
- Learn Nonviolent Communication (NVC) skills that foster connecting with others.
How the I Can Relate Game is played Ages 9 to Adult:
There are a variety of ways the game can be used to teach empathy, social-emotional learning (SEL), and relationship skills. Generally:- Each participant is dealt a designated number of “Relate” cards. Each Relate card describes a unique “feeling” and a unique “need/value.”
- The dealer reads a “Situation” card.
- Participants first select one (or more) Relate cards from their hands that they sense best matches how the person in the situation “feels.”
- Participants then select one (or more) Relate cards from their hands that they sense best matches what the person in the situation might “need and value.”
As participants use the game and process in various ways, they are learning relationship and empathy skills that promote healthy relating.
How the I Can Relate Game is played by Children ages 3-9:
A Story Card is selected from the stack of 32 cards.- After reading the story, children roll the foam dice to determine: 1) how the children in the story might feel; 2) what they might need/value; and 3) a kind response appropriate for the Story.
- Optional: after each story is completed, children can earn a “star” (or other sticker) when they have finished the Story Card.
Choose the age-appropriate version that is right for you:
Young Children ages 3-9
The I Can Relate Level 1 game for 3 to 9-year-old children introduces the same 4-step process used with older children and adults. This “kid-friendly” version includes: four soft foam dice, 32 Story Cards, and a Progress Chart that is available for downloading. This version encourages interactive play and can also be used during story time.
Older Children ages 9-12
Game includes over 40 Elementary School age-appropriate Situation Cards for 9 to 12-year-old children (3rd-6th grade) and over 100 Relate Cards (100+ Feelings and 100+ Needs/Values are printed on the cards). A Guide for Teachers or Parents is also available for downloading.
Students aged 12-16
Game includes over 40 Middle School/High School age-appropriate Situation Cards for 12 to 16-year-old students (6th-10th grade) and over 100 Relate Cards (100+ Feelings and 100+ Needs/Values are printed on the cards). A Guide for Teachers or Parents is also available for downloading.
Adults and 16+
Game includes over 70 Situation Cards for adults or students over 16. It also includes over 100 Relate Cards (100+ Feelings and 100+ Needs/Values are printed on the cards). A Leader’s Guide that can be used as a learning or teaching resource is available for downloading.
Who should buy the I Can Relate Game?
Families:
- Parents
- Grandparents
- “Favorite” Aunts and Uncles
Schools:
- Counselors
- Teachers
- Social Workers
Churches:
- Pastors
- Youth Leaders
- Small Group Leaders
Therapists:
- Psychologists
- Family & Marriage Counselors
- Life Coaches
What people are saying about the I Can Relate Game:
“Using the I Can Relate Game and Process helped me work through situations in my congregation involving relationships. Dr. Bev’s insights about anxiety and self-awareness were particularly helpful for understanding how to respond in a variety of situations. Her process, combined with using the game, offered a tangible and fun way to explore feelings connected with needs and values in a non-threatening manner. Developing the skill of empathy guessing provides a solid technique that is relatively easy to learn.”
Ann Fenlason
Pastor, Bone Lake Lutheran Church
Luck, Wisconsin
“The I Can Relate Game was used as a small group option during Peer Ministry training. The specific topic was ‘understanding a friend.’ Everyone who tried the game loved it! Children and youth often have a hard time finding words to describe their feelings much less needs. This game gave them an opportunity to voice feelings and needs using situations that are relevant and applicable to their lives. It not only taught youth listening skills, but also encouraged them to tap into their emotions in order to name what they thought others would feel in a specific situation.”
Abby Matter
Director of Middle School Ministry, Roseville Lutheran Church
Roseville, Minnesota
“I invited Dr. Bev to teach her process using the I Can Relate Game with 40 doctoral students at Bethel University. I saw first-hand how much they learned and were engaged in conversations as they played the game. A few months later, I used the I Can Relate game with nine of my graduate students at Western Theological Seminary. My students LOVED the game. They had a lot of fun with it and felt encouraged to keep practicing NVC, Mindfulness and empathy guessing skills.”
Dynna Castillo Portugal, PhD
Professor, Western Theological Seminary
Holland, Michigan
“The I Can Relate Game is great! It has been used in my room with a variety of students. It is especially important that my students learn about and practice a wide range of social situations. I used many different applications of the I Can Relate Game depending upon the needs of my students. It opened the door for lots of conversations about social situations, feelings, and the concept of needs. I am working with a few students to monitor their expected and unexpected behaviors – what my students really need from their actions and how others feel in response. Using the game in a variety of ways helped students figure out social situations which was awesome!”
Ellen Mundt
Edina Public Schools
Edina, Minnesota